this is a hard post to write....I am blessed with four amazing kids- they are wonderful humans, each with their own talents and tribulations. i admire their strength, honesty, kindness and intelligence. i am thankful for their health. what makes it hard is that i currently have one child who is estranged from me. not having her in my life is incredibly painful, and yet, i remain tremendously grateful that she is safe, well cared for by her dad, and doing well in school. it is that i simply miss her, just so much. i miss the day to day of chatting with her and hearing about her high school life, her friends and her aspirations. i am tremendously saddened that she feels, strongly, that the only way she can have peace with the changes of her life is to exclude me from it entirely. there are times when I catch myself when someone asks how my kids are: there is one who is not doing well and it pains me.
each day, i do my best to be grateful for the three who are still "with" me and the one who, for now, needs her distance. i try to let her know that my love for her is unconditional, and whenever she is ready to come back, i am here. i remember that life is both short and long, and we have time to repair our relationship. i will never close that door to her, no matter how often she tries to slam it.
i remain thankful to the people in our lives who have attempted to remind her that i am still mom and i love her. i am, most certainly, angry with those who have stoked her anger and self-righteousness like a cruel fire that in the end has hurt her, more than me.
so, on this mother's day, i am so very thankful for all four of my kids and the lessons they have helped me learn: tolerance, acceptance and unconditional love.
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